While You Were Out
by Lt.Cmmdr. XFileUSS Enter
Summary: Mulder goes off to find crop circles and Scully stays home to use the show "While You Were Out" to redecorate his house....Please Review! I don't own the "While You were out show" either....forgot to add that....hehe....
1. Scully's Little Brilliant Idea

Disclaimer:XF isn't mine.  
  
Scully smiled to herself.  
  
"So, you sure you don't wanna join me on a crop circle stake out?"  
  
"Positive, Mulder. You have fun."  
  
"Okay.....I'll be back in 2 days....Don't enjoy this too much!" He called leaving the office.  
  
Scully waited a few minutes, then approached a hidden camera in a closet.  
  
"YESSSS!" She squealed.  
  
Running over to Mulder's house she met the camera crew. She'd employed the services of "While You Were Out" to help her fix up Mulder's house. The great thing was they asked for her to choose his favorite room.  
  
"No problem!" She had responded, "He only USES one room!"  
  
They (the designer and Scully) sat down on Mulder's couch, smiling.  
  
"So, what were you thinking?" The decorator asked Scully. She smiled to herself again. It was so tempting to put up something with really solid, "scientific" decorations.  
  
"He likes aliens." She said knowingly, "And the paranormal."  
  
"Explains the couch," the decorater, Sandra, muttered under her breath, nodding to the age-old couch.  
  
"I was hopping to go with a darker color......." Scully continued, "Maybe a fun lamp or something? He's always wanted a lava lamp....."  
  
Sandra looked at Scully for a moment, then got up and looked at the couch.  
  
"Okay. Let's chuck that."  
  
"Uh....No,no. I can't do that to him," she said. Then she added, stretching her arms across the couch, "You see....This is his *bed.*"  
  
Sandra lifted an eyebrow.  
  
"Okay.....How about the desk?"  
  
Scully ran over, and protectively through herself infront of it, as though it were a human about to be run over by a car, saying, "No, no. This is his *work* area."  
  
"Okay....." Sandra nodded. "I can respect that.....How about that I want to believe poster?"  
  
"No."  
  
"The alien on the bookshelf?"  
  
"No."  
  
"The 'Govt. Is Hiding Something' poster?'  
  
"NO!"  
  
Sandra sighed. "What *can* we remove?"  
  
"Everything else."  
  
"Okay. How about the framed copy's of 'The Magic Bullet'?"  
  
"Except that."  
  
Finally they made a compromise. They decided to chuck the rug, the 42 seperate copies of "Planet 9 From Outerspace," and they chucked all those videos that aren't his. (That was Scully's favorite part.)  
  
They stripped the coffee-colored walls and repainted it a gold color, then sponged on a deep orange. Scully liked it, she hoped Mulder would.  
  
They brought in a new, dark gold-creame colored rug, and bought Mulder a bookcase. They also ditched Mulder's old desk chair, and brought in a new one, very much like the old one, but of a better quality.  
  
They hung up Mulder's favorite conpiracy posters and LGM issues strategically around the room, then moved on to creating him a big mural- calage, filled with candid shots of Mulder and Scully, Skinner, and several pictures of Kerch that they had managed to sneak. There were pictures frm cases, the COPS episode they were on, and even a small picture of the movie advertisments. Also included were autographs, crazy notes they had passed to each other during boring meetings, things Deep Throat, Mr. X, and others had said, as well as several Samantha pictures.  
  
Scully stood back. She had just placed the lava lamp on the table near the couch. The cieling had been painted like a sunsetty-red, and she had managed to paint several UFOs in the clouds.  
  
She stepped back again. Slightly worried, she wasn't sure if this suited Mulder....and he was comming back.....that day......  
  
She waited for him to get to his house. She smiled as he walked in the door.  
  
"Hey, Scully. What's goin'....on....Holy smokes...."  
  
SCully appeared a little worried. He hated it.  
  
"Scully, what did you do? My aparment.....It looks great! And clean, and hey!, a bookshelf! Hey, my poster! Hey! Where are those tapes that aren't mine??"  
  
Scully had to laugh. She gave Mulder a hug, and left him to wander around the room examining his aparment's new look.  
  
Half-way down the hall, waiting for the elevator, she heard him shout, "WHERE'S 'PLANET 9 FROM OUTERSPACE'!?!?!?!?" 


	2. Mulder's Revenge

Disclaimer:I do not own anything, basically.  
  
Author's Note:I'm not as satisfied with this one..But, I figured Mulder would want to do something "nice" for Scully, too...Oh, and though I mentioned Queequeg here , I do miss the little tyke. REALLY wish they'd make him come back to life.  
  
Mulder watched Scully pack her things that Friday afternoon at the office.  
  
"So you sure you don't wanna come?" She asked sarcastically. It was her brother Bill's birthday.  
  
He wrinkled up his nose and Scully laughed.  
  
"Very well. Don't poke an eye out." She said, nodding to the sharpened pencils sitting on his desk, all ready for throwing.  
  
She left, and Mulder put his feet up on his desk for a few minutes. Then, quite content with himself, he skipped over to Scully's apartment, knowing she'd already left.  
  
The camera crew was ready. It was payback time.  
  
Scully'd employed "While You Were Out," so why shouldn't he? He'd got the design all laid out......  
  
"So.....Nice aparment she has," the decorator, Shenna, was saying. "Don't think she'll mind you redoing it?"  
  
"Nawwwww....."Mulder lied.  
  
"Okay," said Shenna, somewhat unconvinced. "I was thinking we go for....uh....kind of new agey appearance."  
  
Mulder was near hysterics.  
  
"Do you think she'd mind?" Shenna asked after a pause.  
  
"Let's find out!" Mulder announced happily.  
  
They went about removing furniture. That completed, they pulled out the paint.  
  
Mulder was feeling evil, but not so evil as to paint the walls as drastic a color as Shenna. Shenna wanted to paint them silver.  
  
Mulder said no.  
  
"How about lime green?"  
  
Mulder wrinkled his nose.  
  
"Okay.....Coffee-brown?"  
  
"No."  
  
Shenna thought for a while. Feeling creative, she came up with an idea that she insisted upon.  
  
They painted the walls black. And the cieling. On the walls, they painted a beach scene, after dark, obviously, with seagulls and pelicans and tropical flowers. On the sky part were little white stars. Moving up along the walls, and comming to the cieling, more stars shone, along with the moon, and several constalations.  
  
The next day, Scully called the house to hear her voicemail, while Mulder and Shenna were bringing in some new furniture.  
  
Mulder hesitated, and then, not knowing it was Scully, he picked up.  
  
"Mulder? Mulder, what are you doing at my house?"  
  
"Uh....HEy, Scully!"  
  
"Mulder....."Her voice forbode trouble.  
  
"I'm uh.....feeding your fish."  
  
"Mulder, I don't have any fish."  
  
"Queequeg. I'm feeding Queequeg."  
  
"Mulder, you and I both know that he was eaten by a crocadile years ago."  
  
Mulder hesitated. In his moments of panic, he had completely forgotten the incident.  
  
"Must go Scully. My fish just flew out the window."  
  
"Mulder, if I didn't know any better I'd--------Click."  
  
Mulder looked at the phone that he had just hung up, knowing Scully was going to kill him. And ontop of that, he'd just butchered her living room.  
  
Never the matter, though. He continued with the furniture. Keeping her couch, they added some flowering plants, and a new mahogany coffee table, which were put ontop of her new sand-colored rug.  
  
Mulder stepped back. He was happy. Knowing Scully'd be back any second, he ran into the hall, and hid around the corner.  
  
Scully opened the door. The walls of her livingroom were unsually dark, but, then again, the lights were off.  
  
She switched them on, then made sure she was in the right apartment.  
  
"Oh....my....word...." She said other things, too, but in order to keep this story rated G......  
  
Finally taking in that this was *her* house, she shouted. "MULDER! YOU'RE A DEAD MAN!"  
  
Mulder, a little surprised at this sudden outburst, ran down the hall, and didn't stop until he reached his house. 


	3. Kerch's Wild Ride

Disclaimer: Not mine.  
  
Author's Note: Okay, I'm honestly not to sure how I feel about this one either, but I couldn't resist redecorating Kerch's office. Thanks for your reviews! I really appreciate anything you have to say!  
"I don't know Mulder...." Scully said warily, glancing at her newly palm- tree-ed walls. She was still plotting the prefect way to kill Mulder for redoing her living room.  
  
"Ah, come on. You only live once. Besides, he'll never know!"  
  
"Right, but how many agents would hate his guts enough to do this?"  
  
"A lot."  
  
"Good point."  
  
There was silence. Mulder was thinking, and Scully was studying the constellations on her ceiling. Oh my gosh! She never noticed that before! Mulder painted a UFO on her ceiling!  
  
And she thought he was a dead man before.....  
  
"Well," Mulder continued, "You don't have to, but I've already called them."  
  
"We're their best customers, Mulder." Scully smiled, and hung up.  
  
The next evening, after Deputy Director Kerch left the building, Mulder and Scully snuck into his office. The 99% of agents who worked there who weren't obsessed had long gone home, so Mulder and Scully could work this in peace.  
  
Waiting inside the office was the designer from "While You Were Out" that would be helping them redecorate D.D. Kerch's office.  
  
Sitting down, they discussed what to do. First thing was first: Were they going to be semi-evil or really evil?  
  
They chose really evil. Pay back for all those times he tried to ruin the X- Files.  
  
"Okay....How about we go with lime colored walls?" Asked Mike, once Mulder had reported that, at heart, Kerch was really a psychedelic man.  
  
Scully bit back a smile. Oh, boy.  
  
"That's great. It'll..uh..really suit him." Mulder agreed, holding back laughter.  
  
They rolled out the red carpet. Literally. They replaced Kerch's usual brown one with a bright red one. Out went the desk as well. It was replaced by what a Mike called "mod meets official" desk. A.K.A. it was a black structure that any normal person would have to ponder about for a few hours before realizing that it is, indeed, a desk.  
  
Mulder smiled at the lava lamp he had adjusted on Kerch's desk. He sighed with a content smile.  
  
Mike rolled in a disco ball. Scully looked afraid, worried that if this was ever traced back to them, that they would be barred from the FBI without chance of reinstatement.  
  
Early the next morning, a Saturday, they finished the office.  
  
"You *are* on good terms with the man, right?" asked the decorator.  
  
"You never mentioned anything about that...." Scully muttered.  
  
Mulder smiled, "Of course we are! We're regular pals! Go clubbing every night..We're like this!"  
  
Knowing that the Deputy Director would be there any moment, the camera crew left, and Mulder and Scully went down to their office. They'd gotten no sleep, but they were so tickled pink, that they had more energy then they usually did.  
  
They needed an excuse to go into his office. So, around noon, they went up to him to submit a travel request. The secretary wasn't there, so they knocked lightly on the door, then pushed it open.  
  
Apparently, those two past drama with flying colors in high school. They walked in dead-pan, then took a step-back like they were totally surprised.  
  
"What can I do for you agents?"  
  
Kerch's tone was more dissatisfied than usual.  
  
"Sir?" Scully asked as if she were just being brought back to her senses.  
  
"I like what you've done with the place, sir...." Mulder nodded approvingly. "It's what I should really do to my apartment. You know....'mod meets official' type-thing...." Mulder approved, with a knowing smile.  
  
Just seeing Kerch's horrified face was payment enough for no sleep. 


End file.
